Writing about Life in the digital age

If you’ve ever had a miscommunication or failed to comprehend what someone else was trying to say, it could be that your perceptual languages are getting in the way. Discovered by development psychologist Taibi Kahler, perceptual languages are the different processes of how people communicate. The way people communicate often carries more information than the words themselves, says clinical psychologist Nate Regier, cofounder of the communication-coaching firm Next Element.

There’s definitely some truth in the wisdom that it’s better to overcommunicate than undercommunicate. Ideally, every manager gives their team members just enough direction to get on course and the leeway to do their thing free of micromanagement.

The reality is often different, though. No good boss wants to leave their teams feeling empty-handed or unsupported, so they sometimes veer off too far in the opposite direction. I’ve learned the hard way that overcommunication is easier to fall into than you might think, and it winds up obfuscating my message and wasting everyone’s time.

Fortunately, I’ve managed to get better at figuring out when my communication is more distracting than useful. Here are some of the key criteria I use in order to tell whether I'm overcommunicating

Imagine you could have a skill where--in any given conversation with colleagues, clients, or subordinates--you could be keenly aware of, and even experience, their feelings and thoughts.

Sounds like some X-Men-like psychic superpower right? Well, what if I told you that anyone can have this uncanny ability and use its strength and charm to have successful conversations?

Well, you can. The superpower I refer to is called empathy.

But this skill--and it is a learned skill available to anyone--is often misunderstood because there are variations of it. I'll get to the science of it shortly.

Communicating under pressure is a critical leadership component learned very early on during Navy SEAL training.

Without having the ability to maintain composure, thinking clearly, gather information and make a call, you can’t succeed in combat. Which of course can lead to the worst possible outcome.

The same applies in business leadership situations, without death and dismemberment of course. We all know what it’s like to have the perfect response pop into our heads after an important situation or verbal exchange, too late to be of any use. And then there are those who can face all kinds of conflict and seem to know exactly what to do and say. And they do so in a calm and tactful manner. Faced with an angry customer, an uncooperative co-worker or tense negotiation, they don’t stammer or get upset. They keep their cool and glide through the situation getting what they want without breaking a sweat. These are the people who typically rise rapidly through the ranks. But great communicators are made, not born. It’s simply about having the right tools and knowledge.